If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
