Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
