Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
