So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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