I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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