i can't believe i had my finger in that
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
