Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
