You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
