I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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