i would punch a child for taco bell
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
