They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
