I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
