I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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