It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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