Im at strip club and am horny
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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