She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize