Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
