And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
