I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
