I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
