i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
