I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
