one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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