is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
