i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Sacagawea was the original milf.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
