the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize