dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Houston, we have a blender
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
