Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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