If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
