when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
