yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
