mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
