I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
