how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
