Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
