i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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