At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
