physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
