I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
