sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize