Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
