Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
