Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
