His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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