Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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