Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
