But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
