did i walk over a car last night?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
