i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just gift wrapped bread.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
