Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
