swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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