I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
