your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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