my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
