that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
