fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
