i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
