She said her name was "party"
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
