THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Sober January is a disaster.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arbyβs curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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