Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
