please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize