btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
