fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
