I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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