part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
