The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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