I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
