The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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