just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
