New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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