tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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