So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
