Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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