Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
