Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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