Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
