I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My cat gives me a boner
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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