dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize