we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize