My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He better not be in your backpack
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
