they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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