Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
