I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
