got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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