we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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