I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Alive.
So much puke
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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