I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
