Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
