You really coming over, don't trick.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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