Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
