she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
