You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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