when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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