I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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