Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
