he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
