I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
