Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize