Can i not drive my cunt home
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
