you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
NoShamevember. You game?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
