I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
